Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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