So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am spending my child support on dildos
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
