OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
