Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
