that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Randomize
