No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
