i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
