Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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