ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
