You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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