if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
