I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
