Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
