When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
