broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
