dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
