she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
