the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
