So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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