is your mom at the bar?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Is it because I queefed?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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