I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's rum buckets o'clock
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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