why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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