So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
