I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
