Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
