I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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