just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
