just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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