Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
