i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
