I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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