Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
