Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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