I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
