Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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