I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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