I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
