marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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