apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
