I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
