i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
