I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just want to make out with him forever
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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