yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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