I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
