Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
