Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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