i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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