I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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