Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
