sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
