this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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