I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
