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Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
