I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
