I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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